HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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