well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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