my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
