I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
this just has baby written all over it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
