WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I cut my penus on the lid.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
