girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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