My first STD was from a foam party
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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