Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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