Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
