I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
