There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
