I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
