Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
