i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i love accidental penises.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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