I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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