sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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