tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
