the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
