This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
