god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
