I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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