I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize