You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
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Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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