it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
