He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
