At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
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It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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