If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize