he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
