a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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