I bet he comes in French.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
there is puke in my bra ... again
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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