it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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