"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
