i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
