Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
