How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
