I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
