There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
