the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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