just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
