My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
