He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
