There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
