I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
