the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
