she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
