According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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