she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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