Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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