It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
