I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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