i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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