So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
