i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
