My first STD was from a foam party
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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