I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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