I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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