I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
