i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
