she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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