when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize